When You’re Gone

I think I’ve lost him.

I never thought of this before, but it happened.

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I need you there when I cry…

I keep playing this song even in my sleep – what I usually do when something unhappy happened.

We met in January when he came here to visit my friend. I gave him a stuffed bear which I crocheted myself because my friend called him Bear. He is a tall, chubby Korean guy with baby skin which made me jealous a lot. We have been friends on FB for a long time but we didn’t chat. That night when he got back to Korea, he sent me a photo of the bear sitting on his desk together with a bunny:

– Thank you for giving me a toy!

– You’re welcome. Pls take care of my son. He’s your son now πŸ˜‰

And that was how we started.

We met in person for just several hours so my first impression about him was a cute, shy boy. He is 1 year younger than me. The more I talked to him, the more I realized that he is a romantic, sweet, humorous, ambitious guy who has a good heart; however his young age made him childish and impulsive sometimes. Our conversations enabled us to have a clearer image of each other’s characters and interests. They are not always match. He love classical music and opera which are like lullabies to me. He eats spicy foods, I don’t. But he loves cooking, he loves children. And I like it.

Then we planned to meet this summer in a trip to an island in my country. We rented a beach house. Quite romantic, I know. He has a plan with my friend too, to an island outside of the country. I didn’t feel anything weird of this arrangement even though it’s really weird. I didn’t expect it to be a romantic trip for us. Actually I don’t know what I thought. Just go and enjoy life. My sister and her bf also joined us. We planned it many months ahead and we were very excited when it came closer to the date.

The trip went really well. We met again after 6 months and we were much closer than on the first day. These days on the island was very happy time, he made me laugh days and nights. On the last night, we kissed. He said he liked me but he can’t be sure of the future. I said I like him too…

Then I went back to my life, he went on the trip with my friend. That was when I feel there is something not right. I told myself not to think bad but they spent 5 nights together. He didn’t send me any messages during that time. I should know what it means.

He just admited it to me tonight that she is now his gf. I’m not surprised. He apologized.

Fine. He is really gone. But now I don’t think I’ve lost him in a regretful way. I don’t regret anything.

Life goes on.

— K–

 

Angriness

I can get angry easily. I have a very bad temper, and I don’t know why.

My ex came to my office this morning for nothing. Just sat on my desk without intention to leave. I felt annoyed. And I got angry. I was angry because there is no good man coming into my life while the ex I no longer want to be with is keep chasing me.. It’s  just a mess.

Then a customer called me to complain about a small mistake in her application. And I got angry with myself. Why wasn’t I more careful?

Another customer also called me early morning, asking more questions which I will be explaining to them when they get to the next phase. I wondered why they were asking too much and got angry.

Now I’m angry with myself again because I get angry all the time.

I am usually a cheerful girl. But there are several days like today, I get angry at everything.

–K.–

“I talk to you every day, more than anyone in the world.

I can’t be a stranger to you.”

Well, sometimes you don’t need to say I love you. This already made my heart melted.

–K.–

🎢Say Something 🎢


This is a sad song by A Great Big World. And I’ve been playing it over and over again.

I don’t know when I’m giving up on you, dear. Somtimes I just couldn’t take it anymore.

It has been raining hardly these days. One night I rode my bike alone under the rain and all I have ever wished was that you had been here.

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head, I know nothing at all…

Destiny is playing with us. And we- two people- are trying to escape from the truth as if we have a secret place where our souls meet and talk and smile and share our ups and downs. However, apart from that imaginary place, there is no path for us I can see. We both see. But we ignore it.

Forgetting the world, we were trying to enjoy our little time together. Our time are not counted by days, or months, or years. It is counted by hours, by minutes, by seconds. Those times are precious yet wouldn’t last forever.

You’re the one that I love and I’m saying goodbye… 


— K.—

On another rainy day β˜” β˜” 

Missing you

In the sky

Moon is shining

City at night

Streets are lightening

In the small world of mine

I am missing you…

 — K. —

Day 104.

An Unpredictable Morning

I feel funny now. Really! I’ve just had a funny morning! An unpredictable one.

Sunday morning. As usual, I went to the Highland Coffee, got myself a cup of iced milk coffee and a small cake. I enjoyed sitting alone there and continue reading my favourite novel – After you by Jojo Moyes.

I was in chaper 15, when Clark came home after work, finding her boyfriend waiting for her in the door. Because of a misundertaking, she thought she was a fool to him and didn’t answer his call for several weeks. So at that time, seeing him there, she tried to ignore him and got inside as soon as possible. However she couldn’t find her key and later on realized that she left it inside. She just locked herself out. That situation, however gave them sometimes to talk and finally figure out that all was just a misunderstanding. Problem solved. They were then all good, and I was happy with that!

Then I went home and unexpectedly got myself in the same situation. My ex was waiting for me in my door (again ^^!). I ignored him, got my key but I couldn’t get inside. My door was locked inside accidentally!!! It was so hilarious. The difference is there was no misunderstanding between us, I just didn’t want to continue with him. It was over and he didn’t accept it. Nothing was solved. He and my neighbor helped me to open the door, after that I told him to go home coldly and got inside. I know I was so mean to him, but I don’t want to give him a hope. There is no more hope.

Similar situations can happen to us in life, but the results are different. That’s just life.

Happy weekend, guys!!

— K. —

Guests

There are certain people in your life that one day come and go as guests. They don’t stay long yet leave you some sweet memories.

During my short time in Adelaide, I’ve met one. I’m not sure if he was the reason Adelaide in my memory is such a beautiful and peaceful place that I want to stay forever, but whenever I think of him, those memories makes me feel warm.

The city of Adelaide didn’t impress me much at first. Before traveling to South Australia, I had been to Melbourne and Sydney – the busiest cities in Australia and I still had that spirit in me, thus Adelaide appeared to be so quiet to me when I first arrive. There are not much buildings on the way from the airport to the city centre; instead, are many… trees and lands which made me feel like I was heading to a countryside. In fact, South Australia is a region of farming. It has a vast area of vineyards – this made the state the largest wine production region. I still remember the feeling of sitting in a beautiful garden, surrounding by trees and flowers, looking at the immense vineyard shining under the sun and enjoying good white wine (I personally prefer white wine). I was such a pleasant feeling, all my stress stayed behind. I was there, floating my mind in the clouds when he suddenly and gently asked,

“So, what do you think?”

“About what?”, I relied in a daze.

“About the wine, not about your future husband”, he laugh. His joke made me feel embarrassed because I’ve just told everybody at lunch that I was looking for my future husband. I could feel that my face was in red color. It was also because of the wine probably. I think I was a bit drunk….

If other cities wear a modern dress, Adelaide has its own antique appearance. Looks like it has a British soul. Buildings are of British styles and they look a bit old. It was not until I walked with him in the street that I realized the city has it own beauty, especially at night. It was after dinner and he walked 2 other friends and me back to the hotel. We didn’t talk much. I just walked with him and enjoy the city view at night. All I remember was the beautiful river shined with colorful lights from buildings, along which stood a line of tree that had the color of autumn, and he asked me if I would like a another shot of whiskey. Right now I suddenly wonder whether my image in his head is a girl that likes to drink a lot (?!?).

The day I left Adelaide, I knew I would miss it a lot. I would miss a smile in the sun, a gentle voice in the wind, would miss the feeling of walking behind someone’s back. I would miss the trees, the building and the wine.

I was a guest in his city and he was a guest in my life. I don’t know what I left in him, maybe nothing. But he gave me a beautiful memory. For that I still feel lucky. It is lucky to have such a good memories in life, isn’t it?

A beautiful view in Adelaide

— K. —