I think I’ve lost him.
I never thought of this before, but it happened.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I need you there when I cry…
I keep playing this song even in my sleep – what I usually do when something unhappy happened.
We met in January when he came here to visit my friend. I gave him a stuffed bear which I crocheted myself because my friend called him Bear. He is a tall, chubby Korean guy with baby skin which made me jealous a lot. We have been friends on FB for a long time but we didn’t chat. That night when he got back to Korea, he sent me a photo of the bear sitting on his desk together with a bunny:
– Thank you for giving me a toy!
– You’re welcome. Pls take care of my son. He’s your son now 😉
And that was how we started.
We met in person for just several hours so my first impression about him was a cute, shy boy. He is 1 year younger than me. The more I talked to him, the more I realized that he is a romantic, sweet, humorous, ambitious guy who has a good heart; however his young age made him childish and impulsive sometimes. Our conversations enabled us to have a clearer image of each other’s characters and interests. They are not always match. He love classical music and opera which are like lullabies to me. He eats spicy foods, I don’t. But he loves cooking, he loves children. And I like it.
Then we planned to meet this summer in a trip to an island in my country. We rented a beach house. Quite romantic, I know. He has a plan with my friend too, to an island outside of the country. I didn’t feel anything weird of this arrangement even though it’s really weird. I didn’t expect it to be a romantic trip for us. Actually I don’t know what I thought. Just go and enjoy life. My sister and her bf also joined us. We planned it many months ahead and we were very excited when it came closer to the date.
The trip went really well. We met again after 6 months and we were much closer than on the first day. These days on the island was very happy time, he made me laugh days and nights. On the last night, we kissed. He said he liked me but he can’t be sure of the future. I said I like him too…
Then I went back to my life, he went on the trip with my friend. That was when I feel there is something not right. I told myself not to think bad but they spent 5 nights together. He didn’t send me any messages during that time. I should know what it means.
He just admited it to me tonight that she is now his gf. I’m not surprised. He apologized.
Fine. He is really gone. But now I don’t think I’ve lost him in a regretful way. I don’t regret anything.
Life goes on.