I can get angry easily. I have a very bad temper, and I don’t know why.
My ex came to my office this morning for nothing. Just sat on my desk without intention to leave. I felt annoyed. And I got angry. I was angry because there is no good man coming into my life while the ex I no longer want to be with is keep chasing me.. It’s just a mess.
Then a customer called me to complain about a small mistake in her application. And I got angry with myself. Why wasn’t I more careful?
Another customer also called me early morning, asking more questions which I will be explaining to them when they get to the next phase. I wondered why they were asking too much and got angry.
Now I’m angry with myself again because I get angry all the time.
I am usually a cheerful girl. But there are several days like today, I get angry at everything.
“I talk to you every day, more than anyone in the world.
I can’t be a stranger to you.”
Well, sometimes you don’t need to say I love you. This already made my heart melted.
This is a sad song by A Great Big World. And I’ve been playing it over and over again.
I don’t know when I’m giving up on you, dear. Somtimes I just couldn’t take it anymore.
It has been raining hardly these days. One night I rode my bike alone under the rain and all I have ever wished was that you had been here.
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head, I know nothing at all…
Destiny is playing with us. And we- two people- are trying to escape from the truth as if we have a secret place where our souls meet and talk and smile and share our ups and downs. However, apart from that imaginary place, there is no path for us I can see. We both see. But we ignore it.
Forgetting the world, we were trying to enjoy our little time together. Our time are not counted by days, or months, or years. It is counted by hours, by minutes, by seconds. Those times are precious yet wouldn’t last forever.
You’re the one that I love and I’m saying goodbye…
I feel funny now. Really! I’ve just had a funny morning! An unpredictable one.
Sunday morning. As usual, I went to the Highland Coffee, got myself a cup of iced milk coffee and a small cake. I enjoyed sitting alone there and continue reading my favourite novel – After you by Jojo Moyes.
I was in chaper 15, when Clark came home after work, finding her boyfriend waiting for her in the door. Because of a misundertaking, she thought she was a fool to him and didn’t answer his call for several weeks. So at that time, seeing him there, she tried to ignore him and got inside as soon as possible. However she couldn’t find her key and later on realized that she left it inside. She just locked herself out. That situation, however gave them sometimes to talk and finally figure out that all was just a misunderstanding. Problem solved. They were then all good, and I was happy with that!
Then I went home and unexpectedly got myself in the same situation. My ex was waiting for me in my door (again ^^!). I ignored him, got my key but I couldn’t get inside. My door was locked inside accidentally!!! It was so hilarious. The difference is there was no misunderstanding between us, I just didn’t want to continue with him. It was over and he didn’t accept it. Nothing was solved. He and my neighbor helped me to open the door, after that I told him to go home coldly and got inside. I know I was so mean to him, but I don’t want to give him a hope. There is no more hope.
Similar situations can happen to us in life, but the results are different. That’s just life.
There are certain people in your life that one day come and go as guests. They don’t stay long yet leave you some sweet memories.
During my short time in Adelaide, I’ve met one. I’m not sure if he was the reason Adelaide in my memory is such a beautiful and peaceful place that I want to stay forever, but whenever I think of him, those memories makes me feel warm.
The city of Adelaide didn’t impress me much at first. Before traveling to South Australia, I had been to Melbourne and Sydney – the busiest cities in Australia and I still had that spirit in me, thus Adelaide appeared to be so quiet to me when I first arrive. There are not much buildings on the way from the airport to the city centre; instead, are many… trees and lands which made me feel like I was heading to a countryside. In fact, South Australia is a region of farming. It has a vast area of vineyards – this made the state the largest wine production region. I still remember the feeling of sitting in a beautiful garden, surrounding by trees and flowers, looking at the immense vineyard shining under the sun and enjoying good white wine (I personally prefer white wine). I was such a pleasant feeling, all my stress stayed behind. I was there, floating my mind in the clouds when he suddenly and gently asked,
“So, what do you think?”
“About what?”, I relied in a daze.
“About the wine, not about your future husband”, he laugh. His joke made me feel embarrassed because I’ve just told everybody at lunch that I was looking for my future husband. I could feel that my face was in red color. It was also because of the wine probably. I think I was a bit drunk….
If other cities wear a modern dress, Adelaide has its own antique appearance. Looks like it has a British soul. Buildings are of British styles and they look a bit old. It was not until I walked with him in the street that I realized the city has it own beauty, especially at night. It was after dinner and he walked 2 other friends and me back to the hotel. We didn’t talk much. I just walked with him and enjoy the city view at night. All I remember was the beautiful river shined with colorful lights from buildings, along which stood a line of tree that had the color of autumn, and he asked me if I would like a another shot of whiskey. Right now I suddenly wonder whether my image in his head is a girl that likes to drink a lot (?!?).
The day I left Adelaide, I knew I would miss it a lot. I would miss a smile in the sun, a gentle voice in the wind, would miss the feeling of walking behind someone’s back. I would miss the trees, the building and the wine.
I was a guest in his city and he was a guest in my life. I don’t know what I left in him, maybe nothing. But he gave me a beautiful memory. For that I still feel lucky. It is lucky to have such a good memories in life, isn’t it?
I can be good at manythings, but not at remembering directions. When I come to a new place and although people have showed me the way to somewhere, I still get lost if I go on my own. Feels like my brain doesn’t have the function of locating places. It can remember clearly any other things except directions. And I even get lost in my dreams. Many times.
I think when I sleep, my mind travels to other places. I dream every night, but can only remember some. However, there is a dream that I have seen many times: I got to somewhere – I couldn’t find the way back – there was someone to help me – I found the way out, but I never got out of that place because I have already waken up (!). The places changed everytime, but the plot didn’t. Sometimes I went to the countryside which had complex paths and many bridges, and I even had to swim across the river. Sometimes I saw I was still in high school, but the school had many weird stairs that were all built erected. Sometimes I went to a strange place that I may have seen in movies (^^) and it had different walls and rooms which made me lost….
If dreams have some connections with real life, I think my dreams have done a great job. It reflects correctly my reality: I’m on the way finding myself.
To this point of my life, I have done what my parents expected: completed a degree, got a stable job and be able to support myself. But I think I’m still lost. I have never followed any plans. Everything turned to a different direction in the last minute and turned out that they were good choices for me. It all happened by chances. But seriously, I think I need a plan, a goal to follow. And while there’s no goal, I’m lost. Lost in this life of complexity. Lost in finding my passions. What is my big target in life? Who I want to become? They are still unsolved questions.
I’ve just got up and feel lost again 😂😂😂
P/s: Although there is not the word “journey” in this post, I think it’s about Journey – Life journey!